Fickle Godlings

Goatheads, Gobbless, and da Gears of War

Dear Modre and Fader,

Tings been good for me, even do I ain’t vorkin for you no days. I vere stayed at a nice shorty-people town after da company let me go at da mines. Dey got nice ales(I specially enjoy deir makes of a lichen porter), and da best pies and pasties you ever seen.

I heard a rumor or two ‘bout a little groups of folk travelin’ tru da land vit an eff and a man knows some sorta secrets of da vorld. I tracked dem real easy by da path dem Halflings said dey travel, and vhat do I spot? GOBBLES! Tons o dem, and some o dem goatguys! Not only dem, but I sees a pairs of nasty OGGERS! Needles to say, I din’t need to go traipsin to dems much more closer.

I follow da paths vit a couple scary volfs and a pair of ugly gobbles laid dead vidout much concealin. Dem guys need to vatch vhere dey leave deir toys, ja? As I follow deir trail some more I see dem been surrounded at a goat farmer’s house by more o dem scary volfs and more nasty gobbles. Vhere all dem come from? Da man in da cloak show a good try to stir up some goats so I helps him gettin dem goin. I try to help foster a volf, but he vere too smart for dat, and den I vere falled to needin’ meddies. ‘Fores I goes out, I hear some veird vords come out da man and I feel real varm all over. Vhen I vakes up, dere’s a bunch of burnin gobbles. I never saw dem light no torches. Da guy in da hood tells me his name be Brabbis, so I says hi to him and his friend da eff, her name Muffina. Somethin be veird ‘bout dat Brabbis fella, can’t qvite say vhat it is. Real smart ‘do. And dat Muffina, she talk too loud, but she got a good heart (for an eff). And she’s a far better speaker to da people dan I can ever do.

Den ve get goin to da Town of Levies so ve can vorns dem about dem gobbles. ‘Fore ve get far, dere’s some bandits tryin da take us for some coin. All da vhile a nasty vind come over da plains. Dem guys take care o dem vhile I smash a nasty carrion eatin crabber. Filty tings dem are, ja! Den I tro my net but I missed da man tries to run in da Sillyvinde river but he got no fins. Took me dang ner a half er to get my nets vidout gettin vet.

Ve come backs to da refuges and deir camp. Ve decide ve maybe take a sit and I cook some real good crab stoo. You’da liked it most of all, modre. Real tasty. I tink I’m a better cook dan a varrior, ja? Oh vell. Ve say guttags to da friend ve make in da camp and den ve on our vay.

Den da craziest ting happen vhen some more gobbles come over us on da vay to da Town of Levies… dis man da Brabbis say some funny vords and I sees a… fog a smoke pops right in front of us and da gobbles! Vhat kinds of vhat is dat? I can’t vait to see more o dem silly tricks! Vell, vit his fancy castins, ja, and my new eff friend’s mighty fork, ve take care o dem real good.

Ve needs talk to da people of Levies to varns dem of da bad guys. Some veirdo, Blame, tinks he own da place try to get us traipsin down da Cragen for ol Debelliseseses treasure or vhateber. No says Brabbis, dat not for good cause. So ve sides to make some varriors outta dem Levies people. I goes and gets us rangled a couple horsies, vhile Brabbis do some readin. Den ve bote scote out da area and makes for a Døddøren at da entrance da Levies. Dem gobbles goatheads has a hard time gettin in hur!

Vell, I have to be goin now. Got to vork dem horses into some kinda steeds for me and Muffina. Ven next I see ya, I be a lady you can be proud of. I be sorry bout da old Boloak, I hopes he doin good. Say hi to my babies, I know dey might be missin me for da cause of my goin avay.

Iron and Gold,



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