Fickle Godlings

A summary of events from Deken 27 to Janven 3

Deken 27-30

  • The party defeats the lich Captain Skinner and his skeleton crew, horses and all but one of the fearsome four are killed, sail and mast are destroyed
    *Row to shore, see a torch in the jungle at night
    *Move inland the next day, see a baby dinosaur, hide, fight the mother, flee with injuries
    *Climb a glittering mountain, reach a plateau with trail and mining entrance with rusted old tools
    *Camp the night, awaken to a wet crawling noise

Deken 31-Janven 2
*The party fights and defeats the ghouls who smelled their scent and attacked at the entrance to the mountain mine.
*Entering the mine, the party is attacked by and defeats two assassin vines.
*Find an altar with a crude stench, hear a mental voice beckoning them, decide to turn back.
*Discover Lady Gorth’s camp, Undio makes a disguise and convinces the Devil Monkeys he’s a friendly native. Barrabus sneaks in after. Melfina pretends to be a salesperson. Things go to hell and fighting breaks out. Sleet storm in the burning longhouse. Lady Gorth is defeated; they cut off her hand and take the Mushroom Ring. Many Devil Monkeys survive.

A summary of events from Deken 17 to Deken 27

Deken 17

Barrabus rode south with haste towards Coveport, with Arika (elf messenger servant).

Tracked by a hawk (Megemus in disguise?), took cover.

Befriended Portly Pete, priest of Geova, and his band of ex-Red Guard.

Stayed the night at the Temple of Geova.

Ambushed by goat-headed men, wounded in the leg, contract the Red Ache.

Arrived in Coveport at night, made a poultice, healed by Melfina when she arrives.

In Guilippi, Undio and Melfina pay the Fearsome Four to repair and outfit the ship “Geova’s Vengeance”.

Clean out giant rats from the hull storage room.

See a mere-woman in the distance, are then attacked by a giant octopus. Defeat it, but Melfina loses her trident to the sea. Recovered after a deep and daring dive.

Navigating the coast, see a fire in the distance. A woman and two men are stranded on a tiny island. Turns out to be the pirate Bart Blackfoot and his henchmen, who attack, but are easily overcome and captured by the party. Turned in to the constable at Coveport, a small reward (100cp) is issued.

Deken 20

Barrabus learns from Piggy Pete the tavern owner that Bane was in Coveport, bought a boat and hired men to “find Lady Gorth and steal her prize.” He thinks Bane was heading to “Snake Isle”. Barrabus gets some good, cheap whiskey.

Undio teaches some Coveport urchins a few sword tricks and is much admired.

Melfina sends Arika back to the Horrid Woods to tell the Elf Queen that Melfina will search for the Elven Moon Ring and will return home as soon as possible to assist in the war against the dwarves. Barrabus has grown fond of Arika, and buys her a fine meal and is sad to see her go.

On Day 1, a pod of dolphins, a gambling barge “booze cruise” filled with rich noblemen.

On Day 2, enter deeper waters, some excellent fishing, a sea turtle, some pirates who trade limes for gold and warn of “The Black Lila.” At night pass a Norse ship (Melfina lights up the sail, Barrabus performs fireworks, the Norsemen blow their horn).

On Day 3, a shark, and a shark-eating giant crab! A rock infested with harpies (and loaded with treasure, including a +1 Drow rapier with the Language trait).

On Day 4, the climate is getting warmer. Undio thinks Serpent Isle must be near. An unnatural storm appears, a ship with a black flag! The ghost ship Black Lila!

De Treasure Chest Island, pt 3

Jenen 18th, 1110

After having taken de beautiful stone daggers and having stowed them on my person, I return to de camp of our crew. As a gift, I relinquish two of them to de first and second mate. They are not so appreciative of my thoughtfulness, but I think it was a nice gesture. Stowaways are not so easily forgiven of their crimes, it would seem. Actually, they are very much more invested in mapping out de terrain of this island. I am excite to help, of course. De captain and first mate are to lead de first party, going south, and the rest of de crew and de second mate and I going north. Approaching de island, we deduced that it could not be so large as to halfway around it by high noon, so our plan is to meet at de dunes to de eastern end of de island, and trek through de middle together. We set out at around 7 in de morning, by our reckoning.

Our length of rocky beach has many indigenous iguanas and we net a few to cook for dinners. We spot many multi-colored birds. Again we pass de statue as we continue on, with nothing to really acknowledge, save for de fact that it is hot on de beach, and balmy humid in de jungle. I am finally bare chested and sweating as we approach de dunes by about 11 o’clock, and gather some dry driftwood and start a fire for me to make some grilled iguana. Delicioso.

We are waiting for a long time, it seems, before we figure it is noon and an hour. Something has gone awry. We send one scout back to our original camp, one at this campfire, and from that divided group, half in de direction dat de captain would come from, and de other will traverse de middle of de island, which will be led by Kitt Pitchfinger.

A summary of events from Noven 17 to Deken 16

Barrabus, Melfina, and Undio …

  • Barrabus and Undio stay three weeks at the Silver Palace working on the gout remedy, the king’s health improves, attack of Fang (giant cobra), the King’s Tongue (Fable) does not admit to the crime (resists Suggestion)
  • Melfina travels down the river through the western Horrid Woods to the lake, rides through the Kings Wood, defeats ogres on the way (finds mark of Megemus)
  • meet up in Oakdale, learn of the razing of Coveport from Quarron the Red, sell a few things
  • pass through Hightower, study for one night
  • run into an earth elemental on the way to Vassna, defeat it, attacked by cave spiders, descend into the cave
  • explored Jacob’s cave, defeating dire bear, poisonous giant water snakes, gargantuan crab, ocher jelly, roper, discovered multiple corpses with deceptive maps from Dilby, recovered items from Antonio the halfling adventurer from Pesce Pentola (Justice Bow, Arrow of Dragon Slaying)
  • continue south to Vassna, meet up with the wizard Falon (and old classmate of Barrabus), do a bit of shopping, try to stop some crimes, pay for passage on a barge to the ocean
  • a family reunion for Undio in Pesce Pentola (wife Isabella, 2 twin 8-year-olds and one two year-old, Adolfo is jealous)
  • Melfina and Undio take the ghost ship in Guilippi
In Oakdale, de Feats of Might and De Battle with De Shrike

As de Great Storm Magus Barrabus and I are galloping away to handle our respective tasks in de Silver Waters Palace, I am again feeling a great gift in my spirit. We make a great day, begun by de morning sun and an innkeeper greeting us to a great festival in honor of de Wind God, Leki. As he has ever filled my sails with breezes of good fortune on de high seas, I am loathe to refuse de festivities.

De first of de great games happening in dis party I see is a rope walking game for un bacio from a beautiful lady. Fronted by a curious looking man with green eyes, I am intrigued. De lady, she is buxom and fair. Who but Undio de Dwarfterror is up to de challenge? With a little luck I am easily across de fifteen foot rope, my training as a mariner doing me service. I walk along de string like a robin on a twig. As I have mastered this acrobatic feat, I am indeed excite to collect de fruits of my achievements. I move in to also show my experience in de planting of wonderful wet labium embraces. After waiting for what seems forever(as it has been a while since I taste de spit of a fair maid), I open my eyes to see a ghastly visage in her stead, with black rings under de eyes of a demonic face. Eh, who am I to refuse? I instead plant one cutely upon this bella, and she is returned to gorgeous, and I am off again to think on my tastes, and perhaps show my expertise in other fields.

What good fortune! I have found another area in which I am not without much skill… ARCHERY! Yes, many a day had my cousin and I delved into the woods, and de bane of great boars were we. If it is for pricking or cutting or letting lifeblood, be assured, I am indeed proficient in its use. At my first try, I nock… aim… and Leki defies me dis day and a great wind blows my wonderful mariner’s fedora down over my eyes.

It is a trifle matter. Were it some foolish dwarf bumbling over a shortbow, it would sail far from mark. But I am no foolish dwarf! Though it was a quarter mile away, my quarry met its mark, right through de bullseye! Wonder of WONDERS is Undio! A raucous round of applause as it splits de target! Presented to me is a wonderful gift of a bejeweled raven. Another treasure added to the mass trove. Perhaps my children will enjoy this placed upon de mantle at home.

With another arrow nocked, I take another shot and wazzah! Another hit! De crowd goes insane! Closer this time, but I am given an ingot of precious metal. More, more, more! I am satisfied. De legend of Undio will live on in de hearts of de Oakdale folks forever.

With my raven and copper bar in tow, I purchase a trio of vino goblets to celebrate my party and I’s prowess. But Barrabus, I see him walking off with a wondrous art. Ah yes, he is a collector of fineries as well, I see! I should have known. He go away to stash his treasure while I imbibe with de Dame Melfina, and enjoy a show of acrobatic arts, wit a bear dancing along to music played by stout performers. Curious, dey have a look almost like de ones I have seen in de mountain halls of Mordok. Indeed my skepticism is accurate as we are enjoying de show and one of de performers attacks de Dame Melfina! BASTARDOS!

We jump headlong into action, and not without de Dame Melfina once falling temporarily to de battle between us and these assassinos, they are felled. I think perhaps dey are the ones led by a Shrike. Mighy Barrabus performed wonderful show of magus adeptness with cracks of lightning leaping from his hand and burning de strikers of de Shrike. He is powerful indeed. His magic hands pique my interest. How does a man become so amazing with de mere thought? I shall have to ask him to show me a thing or two. Melfina also shows her prowess, smiting with gusto de fighters who would try to take us down. Geova was indeed with her that day. And a good thing, for without her might we surely would have perished.

Leki's Day, and the events that followed

A brief summary of events from Noven 11 to Noven 18

  • Our heroes awaken in Oakdale on the morn of 11/11, “Leki’s Day”, in the Stately Branch inn. Festival of Eleven festivities are in full effect (horse-headed women, face-paint, free breakfast).
  • Quarron the Red is also staying at the Stately Branch. He has done well for himself singing the Battle of Levytown epic poem.
  • In the town square: games of skill and chance, walk-the-rope-for-a-kiss, a bonfire, a dancing bear and midget acrobats
  • Undio walks the rope for kiss and discovers the pretty lady is no such thing; she tries to drain his life force and he sees her true nature
  • Barrabaus recognizes the young green-eyed man as Leki himself, enjoying the festivities
  • Undio wins prizes at archery
  • Barrabus wins a large painting in an old oaken frame carved with Ebengradian runes. Directions to ruins near Ebengrad, where a great treasure hoard is hidden!
  • Melfina and Undio notice that the midget acrobats are not what they seem (wearing armor under the bright clothes, and they don’t seem to be dwarves). The Shrike (a dwarven assassin sent by King Bowser) and his Hammer Hench attack! A vicious battle ensues, and Melfina is felled. The tide turns as Barrabus unleashes his most powerful spells, and Melfina survives.
  • Leki congratulates Barrabus, and assigns him a mission. Bring him the head of Bane, who has stolen the soulsword Brunnel from the great wyrm Devellious, and means to slay Leki and take his place.
  • Barrabus and Undio ride to the Silver Waters Palace.
  • The Kan-Ean (elven eagleriders) come to Oakdale and take Lady Melfina to the Temple of Geova, as requested. There, Melfina prays and receives a similar mission (kill Bane). The ocean goddess is in love with Leki and wants to impress him. When Geova shows interest in the Elven Moon ring, Melfina feels conflicted (who is she ultimately loyal to, and can she reconcile her own lawful nature with the chaotic nature of her goddess?)
  • Barrabus and Undio gain an audience with King Gressner (Barrabus uses Suggestion to control Fable, the King’s Tongue). In a long speech, Barrabus tells of the plot to slowly poison the king with marbleberry pie (to induce gout). Barrabus has researched a remedy and volunteers to make it for Gressner. The king is skeptical, but ultimately agrees, and (over the course of several days, guarded by Sir Morgan and the King’s Guard) Barrabus and Undio brew up a batch of the remedy in the royal kitchens.
  • Undio relates the story of The Abundance and requests a small ship to seek vengeance and continue his service of King Gressner. Though the request is audacious, it is noted in the official log (to be considered).
  • Melfina flies with the Kan-Ean to Elenthal (Horrid Woods) where she is met by Queen Lila herself. Melfina returns the Moon Ring, and tells of the dwarven betrayal. Queen Lila is furious and immediately begins preparing for war.
  • A grand ceremony in Elenthal to officially promote Melfina to Sergeant. Her father, mother, and servants all travel from Gondolin to attend. She receives a full suit of fine Silverleaf mithral scale, a fine elven slayer sword, composite bow, 100pp, and other rewards.
  • Melfina requests that her suit of dragonscale armor be resized for Undio, and waits in Elenthal for a few days until the armor is ready
  • Borrowing a pair of horses, Melfina, Delbert, and Arauka ride back to Oakdale
De Treasure Chest Island, pt 2

Journal of Undio Vitale diCorrenze VII

Jenen 18th, 1110
De crew and I are quite alarmed at de sudden appearance of such a massive working of stone. It stand at least 30 feet tall. From de beach we can see de top three quarters of what appears to be a fierce cat. Who could have carved dis massive sculpture? It shines bright in de sun, almost polished, as if it is frequented often. We investigate and find at de feet of de massive feline is a door, seeming to lead underground. At that moment a patch of sun break through de clouds to shine on de face of de cat, and a near-blinding light awaken some mystery inside me.

I give knowledge to de crew that I am to climb de gigantic statue and see what is de source of luster. After deftly finding my footholds and reaching de gaping mouth of de cat, I climb inside. It is lined ceiling to floor with hundreds of pointy teeth. I start to feel a calm, and a warmth, so I rest for a minute. I attribute it to de comforting sun reflecting off de stone, and for a moment I feel blessed with de freedom to explore this world as I please. If only Endo were here to enjoy this moment of liberty with me, he would understand why I yam de way I yam. I seem to have not noticed a hissing sound when I arrive at this tranquil alcove, and in just de nick of time I see a massive serpent coiled in de back of de cat’s throat. As I stand up, it slither rather quickly and strike at me. I dodge swiftly, but slip and cut my ankle on one of de teeth, breaking it from de floor. De snake misses me and it’s body sails onto a tooth, impaling itself. At this time I hear a slight hum, and I curse de wretched animal, kicking its corpse. I hear another chink and see de snake has been stuck with a knife once fastened to de floor. It is a dagger! I look right to de one that had pricked me, and it is de same! I pluck these up as I knock two more from their sockets, and head down to de group that awaited my return.

Heading East Along the Sallywynde

Events from Okeber 26 to Noven 3

  • A duel with Rock Knight Fergel, with interference from Hornby the Broad and Priest Valen Redaxe
  • King Bowser is complicit in the theft of the Elven Moon Ring!
  • escape from Bowser’s Towers, sending squire Delbert ahead
  • flee back to Mordok and retrieve items at the Pork ’n Mead
  • descend the stairs to Foremountain post-haste, defacing the warning sign at the Caverns of Calamity along the way
  • settle up at Weloo’s Pony Village and hightail it down the secret dwarven road to Cozy Hollow
  • meet with Mayor Ploughfoot, debrief him on the events with the dwarves, possible war between the elves and the dwarves
  • take the Sallywynde Road through Broken Hill (now thriving, but still small), meet a peddler and buy his entire stand of goods at a bargin
  • we leave the party about to cross bandit bridge

Events from Noven 3 to Noven 11

  • At Bandit Bridge, near the Godfrey the goatherd’s house, our heroes are confronted by Sinter, the older brother of Scorve the Slaver and Scald the Acrobat. The party easily defeats the bandits, despite being set upon by attacks dogs. Scald’s last surviving acrobat is taken prisoner when he falls in the pit trap intended set by the bandits.
  • Our heroes receive a missive via baby wyvern – a warning from Valen Redaxe, High Priest of Melek. Valen apologizes for the atrocious behavior of the dwarves (including King Bowser), and warns our heroes of a deadly assassin (The Shrike) who pursues them. Stay off the main road!
  • Our heroes are welcomed back to Levytown, where they catch up on recent events. Lord Greedle’s taxmen have been turning the screws, but otherwise all is more-or-less well.
  • A brief stop in Weston, looking for the mother of Sinter, Scorve, and Scald. The last surviving acrobat (taken prisoner) escapes during a brutal storm. Some buildings in Weston are badly damaged by a tornado, but our heroes survive unscathed.
  • In Levyfort, our heroes feel the bite of the taxman themselves. Barrabus parlays with Old Bart, and tricks the Red Guard into accepting the cursed demonic armor as a good portion of their tax bill.
  • Our heroes take the north fork (as they promised they would to the Kan-Ean, the elven Eagle riders). Along the way they encounter a wandering ettin. Defeating it, they find it branded with Megemus’s mark!
  • Our heroes arrive in Oakdale on the eve of Noven 10, and spend the night.
De Tale of Endo de Conqueror

Deken 24, 1099
My cousin Endo and I, as well as my two younger sisters, we go out for a bit of wine last night. I say it was too much for me and not enough for Endo!

He and I have been enjoying each other’s company as much as we can, for it issa tomorrow we celebrata family in too solemn a way to whet our appetites for dames and vino. We are too alike, him and I. Sometimes. He has much talked to me about an endeavor for us to be great merchants someday, when our wandering days are over and our carts sigh heavy with loot. Says I, “a Lightfoot seeks gold while a Stout enjoys his silver at home.” He is a Lightfoot, indeed! Adventure, ha! Dis Halfling needs no more adventure than de treasure I find in a bursting bodice! And excitement? I find nothing more exciting than greeting de dawn in de dewy embrace of de Ageless Maiden: my lady, de Sea. He is a fool to wander his vast green ocean. It is ever my bad luck tapping me on de shoulder when I have such a lovely, agreeable cousin, wit de same admirable passions as I, and all he wants to do is go chasing goblins and ride around on foul-smelling horses in de hills! Perhaps he will see things my way some day, and learn to enjoy de Ageless Sea. Though we seek a different ending, de journeys we shall rehash at venerable ages will both be bursting with tales of carnal conquest and monster massacre! I can not wait on de day we spin this fables, fat cigars betwixt our fingers, Mirto in our glasses, and little halfling-bebes running under our chairs! Ah, che bella vita!

Anyway, de last thing that I can recall from last night was a me saying buonnanotte to my sisters and hello to a couple of “fair twin dames” at Terrible Trixam’s. He was a most entranced by dis lady we find at de bar. “De left of de twins, she is more beautiful dan all de gold in de Blue Hills, Undio. I must have her.” He says to me while dey are getting de wine. “Twins”, you say to me, Endo? And fair? A bearded butterball water buffalo does not share family traits with a fair dame! I get de bad roll in dis game of talus. What I could not perceive then I will tell you now: I have never woke next to something as vile as dis one. Although I cannotta recall many of de things I was forced to do late last night(or early dis morning?), be most assured, my reputation around town as a proficient lover will settle once again on de town as reliable as de winter fog. I do however recall some great strength in de cow I was mounting. Could she perhaps be part troll? Anyway, after I yam sneaking out of de twins’ villa so as not to wake de beast I laid to rest, I yam waiting at de steps of our own abode. I wait for roughly double de time it took me to arrive at my place for resting, and yet still I am left to asplain where is Endo. Forget him, says de bastardo inside, let him get lucky one more time today without you worrying. And I goes inside to prepare for more festivities. Oh, my darling Endo. He is charmed, I swear it.

It is about de time of second lunch and slumber when finally I hear de slams of my front door and de padding of hairy feet, coupled with giddy laughter, approaching my kitchen. All de family is worried sick, when who else do we see standing in de door but my idiota cousin, decked in finery and carrying in his arms last night’s victory.

“Nonno, Nonna, Undio, Leonora, Esta! Mama, Pappa, it is wonderful news! We are MARRIED!

Oh, dio mio!I should have died then and there. I cross my heart and ask Geova what is this man thinking. I never thought my bastardo cousin could ever be anchored, but here he is. But then, a shadow looms behind them, one I do not know….

A vile beast, great in size and grotesque in form creep up behind them, I try to scream out “NO, ENDO! LOOK OUT!” but last night’s libations and de present fear have choked me. Nothing come out but de squeak of a mouse, they are helpless. De mighty beast push them aside and lurch out of de darkness, baring de ugly visage unto de world, de likes of which had never been seen…

“Forgetting something, Undio?”

It is on dis day… that Endo and I, Undio Vitale diCorrenze VII, are joined in holy matrimony to de daughters of Terrible Trixam.

Geova, take me.

Damn those dwarves

6 months searching de crummiest, scummiest, low-lifey-est parts of Central Urania, and I have still not found de slightest spoor that would indicate de location of those bastardo pirates! Where in de world might they lie? They are a pin in a mountain of cow chaff, especially in a land so rampant with those defiant of de good King Gressner’s just rule. Eh, I may notta be able to divine de location of de foul demons that killed dearest Capitano, nor spy de most minuto trace of rumor concerning de mighty weapons stolen from our hold, but at least I can still discern de swiftest passage through a man’s armor into his heart! Fantastico!

To speak on that esubject, oh mio DIO to have my crew see my agility in de fighting pits! I sometime amaze even myself wit de artistry wit which I slay my opponents! Even de finest composers of de Halfling music halls could not orchestrate such a fine show as de way I doooodge and weeeeave in and out and to and fro….such flair…. it is enough to stir my loins. I bested a detestable bum of a fellow Halfling, pity on de man, but SHAME! for letting his wino debts take hold of his fortunes, and falling into de trap of a dwarven creditor such as Carl Gizzardbeard. Imbecile. He should have known better than to mention as measly an obligation as 100 gold pieces. I can piss dees much on whores before I see de morning sun, stupido! One serpente, one ugly toad, and four ratti gigantes later, and I yam champion. I yam an abile combattente indeed. Most de entire familie would be proud. Praise to…me! Oh, how de crowds swelled with amorous delight when I thrust at them and into my rivals.

With my renown in de arenas of Mordok so proven, I have garnered some interest(as well as quite a mound of coin) from a pair of queer adventurers de likes of which I never hoped to meet. De first, perhaps you could call an adequately rootable elf madam(I suspect Geova perhaps overlooked a discrepancy when blessing de Syndarin girl a proper ratio of shoulder abundance compared to bosom bounty?). Though I do not find her to be a jaw-dropper, she does have a certain radiance about her angular frame. De other, he is an imp of a man, though I suspect him dangerously powerful. He seems to light de very air on fire with de crackle of Leki. A tempesta mago, I suspect. Just to be sure, I will keep him on my side of de fight. Anyway, these curiosa have informed me of an event most outrageous. It conjures a tear from me to even think of it, so I will just record that my beloved cousin, Endo, Plunderer of de Great Pike, has fallen in battle. His notorious insatiable lust, both for fair maids(though not as well exercised as mine) and for adventure(though not as far-reaching as mine) and for life(though presently not measurable) shall strive on in a all de world. “Who could allow such a travesty”, I wondered? Well, de virtue of de jewel chasing mountain flounders again brings much disappointment. I should have expected as much. If dey had even a tenth of de wits as I or half de fortitude of Endo in improvised tactics, this bastardo Megemus would not be a fugitive running wild in de wilderness but a crucified ornament hanging on de welcome sign to Levytown! Curse their shaggy chins and curse their bald feet! I am a lonely halfstrider without my dear cousin in de world. I will miss his tales of his hometown defensive battles and routing drakes in de wild lakes. May de gods that keepa me afloat and put wind in my sails bear witness: DE GREAT UNDIO WILL AVENGE DE DEATH OF HIS COUSIN!

We are next day gone from Mordok to find de knick-knacks for which Melfina seems to be turning up rocks and digging holes with de wonderfully disposable dwarves. I have donned my newly adopted ruse, de disguise of de late, great, Captain Brumeken. I find a swelling freedom in putting on a cap and a becoming a new man, justa like dat. I have come to be much more courageous with a few feet added to my height. If I were human, I would conquer all that de eyes can see! With my growing bravery I demanded we see de king within de next day. These dense dwarves couldn’t see through my disguise if I had cracked an egg on my head and pretended to be a frying pan. Idiotas.

When we get to de king’s hold, il Dama Melfina seem to go to de shit of de ape! Apparently she find de evidence of an heirloom of hers in de possession of de regal dwarf’s chief cavaliere! They are to duel after midday’s feast. Oh, yes. De “feast”. De lunch they are enjoying a meal overly extravagant and not slightly imaginitive, with nary a speck of salt to be licked from de meats. And where is de bounty from de water? Have they not de imagination to go netting for common cave shrimp? Dark AND short-sighted, I see. Not only that, but I fear de halfling servers are here against their will. Bastardos! When finally de culinary frivolity concluded, at last I could study de melee tactics of a powerful elf woman. De spectacle I witnessed droppa my jaw to de floor. Firstly, a dandy named Hornby de Broad(by no means a coincidental moniker; de dwarf is as wide and knobby as a hatespruce) introduced, rather fancily, de two competitors in de duel. After dis effeminate display, a blasphemous, wasteful ritual was performed consisting of a vile priest and a gentle mountain billy…. for the sake of any future reader I cannot describe second-by-second the disgusting display, but know that I witnessed a dark power consume de energy of the animal and thrust de dwarf king’s chief knight into a violent fervor. I testify dat dees is unfair in a man-to-woman duel! Although against insurmountable odds, I saw the Lady Melfina put up a respectable fight. I saw no beneficial end for her at the end of the duel. Alas, she did succeed at her main goal, which was to retrieve her family’s magical ring, but she would be doomed to death

I was compelled to act. I shuffled up close to the head of de audience. I proceeded to demand that de king end de battle, post-haste, with the influence of my stone dagger sticking in his gut. NEVER in the history of has a anyone seena such courage, such virile bravery, such GALL as a Halfling threatening an evil dwarf king, IN his keep, SURROUNDED by his head knights and court! I declare, I am UNDIO DICORRENZE, THE DWARFTERROR!

It was at dees time dat myself, de Great Mage Barrabus de Storm, and de Great Dame Melfina Slverleaf chose to exit the castle with great urgency.


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